Rest.

I spend so much time trying to solve the biggest of problems… that I don’t allow myself to:

• watch God resolve them and put me in position to solve them over time
• maximize joy and enjoyment in my present life
• build confidence from solving the “big little” problems I’m equipped to

So I resolve to lead in my lane, and acknowledge what is “above my pay grade”, give those things back to God until He equips and instructs me otherwise.

Lord, I also give you my worries.

Lord, I acknowledge who you are.

Lord, I am not you.

Lord, help me with my concerns around contentment.

Lord, help me to be content with the ways you’ve supplied for me.

I couldn’t do it in my own strength, and when you plopped opportunity in front of me,

I took it. Not only was it undeniable, it was irresistible. Every time.

It’s crazy how I resolved to surrender a long time ago, but I never allowed myself to rest. Which was the main problem.

I kept looking for Your peace and opportunities in my efforts and resistance to rest, all the while praying for solutions to the unrest that plagued me. I was creating things to do and spreading myself thin even though I know Your peace.

It has alot to do with conditioning, and fear of being unprepared.

I hear echoes of:

“God never wastes a prepared person.”

“You’re lazy…”

“Depression burdens the people around you.”

“Be independent, not a burden.”

God enters, stage left.

And He enters with opportunities that you couldn’t have thought of creating for yourself, and didn’t. He literally does the work for you in finding work.

And then, on top of that, the work will leave you room for balance and give your mind a rest from stresses. It will still quench your innate need for a challenge, but it will also prepare your future.

It makes you comfortable enough to do the things that are in front of you to do instead of trying to make the biggest moves and changes all at once.

God built the capacity for this, specifically, into me.

Seeing how much I am capable of, even as my head is pounding right now, is curious to me…

I find it hard to trust. I find it hard to believe that it’s reliable power, renewable power.

But I am finally able to acknowledge that that’s because there are whispers of past doubts in me and in others around me who constantly doubted themselves. And I’ve heard it before, but it’s taken me this long to have the space in my head to see all of it for myself without running away.

And maybe God allowed me to go through all that I did to break this specific curse off of my family.

To speak to that doubt, once and for all.

That power that you possess, that you’ve been racing against the clock with, it is not fleeting. It won’t leave you. Even when people leave, and trauma occurs, and there’s no “real” evidence, and you only have faith for proof. You, who carries God inside of you, are powerful. Through and through.

#thursdaythoughtdump #thoughtdumpthursday