unravelling.

Dear God.

I’m afraid that nothing will make me happy and it doesn’t get any better than this and I might be throwing what I have away.

I’m afraid that that’s the last of it.

When you recognize that you come from abuse, and you begin to try to come to terms with it, everything looks and feels like abuse.

Even support looks and feels like abuse.

I’m depressed and I’ve dealt with abuse.

“They’ll use you and abuse you.” he said.

But the only person doing it intentionally was him.

But I still find myself unravelling and untangling memories of painful things said with intention to hurt from the ones without.

Often times, it leaves me confused.

I remind myself that sometimes, its best to untangle things in a number of short efforts, to “take things a bite at a time”.

And that’s just the truth. Alot of the time I just get lost in a problem-solving loop.

Yep, ADHD, too.

Trauma will have you believing that it is the only thing in life that is real.

Have you walking through a world of blurred experiences, ignoring all the happiness and details, in search of the “truth”.

True motivations.

True intentions.

True friends.

True feelings.

And all you’re guaranteed is that you’ll exhaust yourself;

That’s the truth.

So, God, how do I get out of this loop?

#thursdaythoughtdump #thoughtdumpthursday